October 21, 2008

Holding Onto Joy
Alex Hawk

I was awkward when I was thirteen.

I know that seems obvious. EVERYONE is awkward at thirteen. But, well, I was kind of a geek. I didn’t have any real friends. I was scrawny. I was pale. I wore glasses. Really the only way in which I wasn’t awkward was that I didn’t wear braces. I actually had really nice teeth.

My home life didn’t make things much better. My parents weren’t abusive or anything like that, but they fought with each other a lot and were pretty obviously moving towards a divorce. I just wished they’d get there soon or make up. Either way, the fighting was really bringing me down.

I’d really hit bottom with my life a couple months ago when I tried to kill myself. I didn’t try very hard, I guessed. I cut my wrists open, but I did it wrong. I bled a lot and passed out, but my dad found me and got me to the hospital. After that, my parents stopped fighting.

For about three days.

Then they were back at it.

In short, my life really sucked. The only refuge I had was in my books. I loved to read, I loved to learn, I even loved doing homework. Anything that kept my away from my parents was a good thing.

The good thing, the only good thing, about my constant reading/studying/nerdiness, was the fact that it made me prized by people who wanted someone to help them with their homework. It meant I got a little less razzing from the popular people than I otherwise might have had.

It was in this tutoring capacity that I found myself spending a great deal of time at the house of Lisa Martins. She was one of the prettiest, most popular girls in the school, and like most every boy, I had a massive crush on her.

She was also really, really bad at math.

Thankfully, I wasn’t.

Lisa was a really cool girl. It’s not just that she was pretty, though she really, really was, but she also was very nice and very sweet. She wasn’t mean to anyone. She always smiled. She always said hello. I really liked her. I figured the only reason she was nice to me was because she knew I would help her study. But I didn’t mind.

We’d had some major tests coming up and I’d spent almost every day of the last two weeks hanging out with her after school and doing my best to teach her what I could. She wasn’t stupid or anything, but she really wasn’t good at math. Still, I’d tried as hard as I could, so we’d see how it turned out.

We got our test results the week after the test. I’d done fairly well, though not as well as I’d wanted. I was in the upper 97%, but I wanted to be at the top. Oh, well. I figured that I could probably deal with it.

After school that day, as I was getting ready to head home, Lisa came up to me.

“Hey, Julian.”

“Oh, hey, Lisa. How are you?”

“Ok. Can you come over to my place for a bit?”

“Sure. You need some more help with math or stuff?”

“Well, I wanted to go over my test results.”

“Oh.” I shrugged. “Sure, I’d be happy to come over,” I replied, mentally kicking my heels in joy.

“Ok, let’s go!”


Our arrival at Lisa’s house was delayed by several minutes as she stopped to talk with various friends of hers. She gossiped with the girls and flirted with the boys, and just as I was about to make an excuse, she finally finished what she was up to and we made our way to her home.

We made small talk as we walked to Lisa’s house. Well, she talked (endlessly, and about all sorts of gossip), and I listened with half an ear. I really didn’t care about any of that stuff, but I did like spending time with her, so I forced myself to at least try to pay attention.

Once we got to Lisa’s house, we each got Cokes from the kitchen and then went out to the living room, sitting on the couch where we’d done so much of our studying. Lisa seemed to be sitting a little closer than normal to me.

“So… about my test scores,” she began.


Lisa smiled that sweet smile I loved so much. “I passed!” she squealed.

“Wonderful!” I said, smiling myself.

“And it’s all thanks to you!” She put her arms around me and hugged me tight, then gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Oh!” I said, not expecting that. I blushed. “Well, it wasn’t me that passed the test, it was you. You’re pretty smart.”

“I’m not that smart,” she replied, sitting back a little.

“You’re smarter than everyone thinks. You’re smarter than you think you are.”

Now it was her turn to blush. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” I persisted. “I helped you learn, but you passed the test on your own.”

“Well, thanks.” She took a sip of her Coke. “Most guys think I’m kind of stupid.”

“I don’t know why,” I said, honestly.

She shrugged. “Well… I mean, I do cheerleading, and… well, I mean… I kind of… you know… sleep around…”

“Oh,” I said, my face getting hot. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. Well, I mean, I’m not like some horrible slut or anything. But I’ve had sex with eight boys since last year, and, well, you know. People talk.”

“Oh.” I took a sip of my Coke, and then gave a shy laugh. “Well, you’re doing better than me, then. I haven’t had sex with any boys.”

Lisa stared at me for a moment and then laughed. “Yeah, well, how many girls?”

Shifting awkwardly, I quietly said, “None.”

“Oh, really? I’m surprised.”

My eyebrows went up. “You are?”

“Well, yes. I mean, you’re smart and you’re cute. I assumed you’d already had sex.”

“I want to,” I said, blushing again. “But… yeah. I haven’t.”



We sat there in silence for a little bit. I felt kind of weird discussing my sex life, or lack of it, with a girl I had a crush on. But she seemed to be pretty comfortable with it, so I figured it wasn’t any big deal. And since I knew now that she wasn’t a virgin, at least I’d have something nice to think about when I jacked off tonight.

“Stand up for a second,” Lisa said.


“Stand up in front of me.”

“Ok.” I got to my feet, standing in front of her.

Lisa set down her Coke and put her hands on my hips, pulling me in closer. Then to my utter amazement she started to unbutton and unzip my jeans, opening them up to reveal my bulging underwear.

“Uh…” I began.

“Shhh… just relax, ok? We’re gonna have fun.” She lowered my jeans down and then matter-of-factly took my boxers down to join them.

Now that my virgin penis was exposed, she took it in her hand and began stroking it slowly, sending more pleasure through me than I’d ever felt before. Smiling up at me as she did so, she said, “You’ve got a nice one.”

“Thanks…” I whispered. I’d always thought my penis was nothing special. It was a little under four inches long and had hardly any hair yet. I was happy Lisa liked it, though!

Then Lisa opened her mouth and wrapped it around my young penis, and if I thought her stroking me had felt good, it was nothing compared to this! I’d heard about blowjobs, but I never knew they’d be as amazing as this was! The way her tongue felt on me… oh, wow…

“Oh, god…” I whispered as I enjoyed my first blowjob.

“You like?” Lisa asked, lifting her face off me for a moment.


“Good.” She lowered her head back down.

As Lisa’s lips and tongue worked their magic on my penis, I had to grit my teeth in a desperate effort not to cum too quickly. I certainly didn’t want to shoot while her mouth was on me. I figured a mouthful of sperm would not make her happy.

Finally, though, I couldn’t hold back. I nearly shouted, “Oh… oh, I’m gonna cum!”

Rather than stopping, as I expected, Lisa began moving faster, and before I could say or do anything else, my penis began to twitch, shooting my sperm into her mouth as my I had my first ever orgasm given to me by someone else.

Not surprisingly it was the best one I had ever had, and I nearly collapsed afterwards. It was all I could do to stagger myself back down onto the couch as Lisa grabbed her Coke, took a sip, rinsed it through her mouth and then swallowed.

“That was your first blowjob, right?” she said after a few moments.


“What did you think?”

I smiled weakly. “It was… wow…”

“I’m glad you liked it. No, don’t,” she said, as I reached down to pull up my boxers. “We’re not done yet.”

“We aren’t?” I asked in honest confusion.

“Of course not.” She stood up and pulled her t-shirt over her head. “You’re still a virgin. We won’t be done until you’re not.”

“Oh?” I thought for a second as that sunk in. “Oh!”


“You mean we’re going to…” I couldn’t bear to finish the sentence in case I was wrong.

“Yes, we are.” She pulled off her bra, jeans and panties, leaving her beautifully, gloriously naked. She was every bit as beautiful as I had dreamed. Small, pert breasts, a little patch of hair between her legs. Smooth skin Amazing!

Then Lisa sat down on my lap. I felt the shaft of my still-hard penis brushing against something warm and a little wet. Her vagina, I realized, as she started to kiss me and began unbuttoning my shirt.

“What do I need to be doing?” I asked between kisses.

“Whatever you want,” she replied as she leaned down and kissed, then licked, one of my nipples before starting to kiss my mouth again.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I had a vague idea that girls liked to have their vaginas rubbed, so I reached down between our bodies, brushing up against my throbbing penis, and began rubbing everything I could.

At one point one of my fingers found a warm, wet hole and started to slide inside her. That was the place, I realized, feeling a little dizzy. This is where my penis was supposed to go. This wonderful velvet passage. I couldn’t wait!

“Mmmm… that feels nice,” Lisa whispered into my ear as I fingered her.



“Cool,” I said with a happy smile, very glad to be making her feel almost as good as I was, cause there was no way she could feel better than me! Between the next series of kisses, I said, “Is there anything else I can do that you will like?”

Lisa sat up a little and looked down at me. “You mean you’re more concerned with what I will like than what you will like?”

“Well… yeah?” I was suddenly uncertain. “That’s ok, isn’t it?”

She smiled. “It’s perfect.”


“And no, there’s nothing you can do. At least not this time.”

“This time?” I echoed.

Lisa laughed a little. “Of course! You don’t think we’re only going to do this once, do you?”

The smile on my face was so big I thought it might cause my head to fall off. “Cool…” was all I could think so say.

We started kissing again, my finger working back and forth inside Lisa’s amazing vagina. I wondered how long it was going to be before I would get to put my penis inside there. I wasn’t in any great hurry, but I was wondering.

I didn’t have to wonder too much longer, because Lisa suddenly got to her feet and pulled me up. “Lay down on the coffee table.”

“Why?” I asked, doing so.

“Because it will be easier for us to fuck on there than on the couch,” she replied, straddling my waist.

“Oh,” I said weakly, my mouth suddenly dry.

“Don’t be nervous,” Lisa said, now holding my penis straight up.

“I’m not,” I lied. “But… don’t I need a condom or something?” I asked, remembering what I’d learned in health class.

“Normally, yes,” Lisa said. “But in this case… you’re a virgin, so I can’t catch anything from you.”

“What about… a baby?”

Lisa shrugged. “I don’t mind the risk. Are you ready?”

Unable to speak, I just nodded.

“Ok.” Lisa lifted her body up. I felt the tip of my erection brush against something just an instant before it was swallowed up into her liquid warmth. Looking down I could see that almost every bit of my thirteen-year-old virgin penis had gone up into her incredible thirteen-year-old vagina. I was officially getting laid!

“Oh…” I whispered as the pleasure began to hit me.

“You like this?” Lisa asked, moving her body up and down a little.

“Yeah…” I leaned up and kissed her. “Thank you… thank you so much…”

Lisa didn’t say anything else, she just kissed me back and kept riding me. I tried my best to hold back as long as I could, being very happy her blowjob had gotten me off earlier. I wanted to make it last as long as I could; not just for myself but try and give her as much pleasure as I could. But it was a losing effort, and after only a few moments fucking, I let out a series of gasps, and felt my penis begin to spasm within her vagina, sending blasts of sperm deep into her body.

As I finished cumming, Lisa moaned on top of me and I felt her vagina contracting around my penis. This was her orgasm, I knew. I’d read quite a lot about these sorts of things. Just in case, you know.

After we were done, Lisa laid herself on top of me, and kissed me some more, her breasts against my bare chest. Then she said, “I gotta go clean up. I’ll be back in a few, ok? Then we can go up to my bedroom and do some more, if you like.”

I wasn’t able to speak, I just smiled and nodded, then enjoyed the sight of Lisa’s naked body as she walked away from me.

Strangely, stupidly, I then began to laugh. It started as a light giggle of delight, but soon I was laughing loudly. I supposed it might’ve looked odd had anyone seen me. I was laying on my back on the coffee table, my pants and boxers around my ankles, my legs dangling off the edge. My shirt was unbuttoned and showing off my hairless chest, and my still-erect penis was moving with each laugh.

I knew now that I’d never try to kill myself again. I knew that no matter what happened to me in life, things would be ok. My parents could divorce, I could have to move away from here, I could get a horrible disease. None of that would matter. If I ever felt depressed again, all I’d have to do is remember THIS time and THIS place, and I’d be able to hold onto joy.

I was the happiest boy on the planet.


Copyright 2007 by Alex Hawk, all rights reserved.