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Forbidden Fruit – Chapter 2

Forbidden Fruit – Chapter 2
By
Caliboy1999

Setting his notepad down, Adam glanced at the clock on his phone. Becky should be home by now. The lesson plan for Wednesday evening youth group could wait. The past couple of days had been rough. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t keep old memories locked away.

He cycled through the contacts on his phone until he found Becky’s. As he pressed her number, he thought about their relationship over the past year. He had met her the first week of his sophomore year. They’d met at church but had become friends when they found themselves in the same Intro to Physics class. He was interested in the ministry, and Becky wanted to become a teacher, and neither was very good at physics, so naturally, they teamed up as study-buddies. By the end of the fall semester, Adam asked Becky out, and they’d been casually dating ever since.

“Hey, Adam, how’s Wakefield treating you?” came the voice from the other end of the call.

“Sup, Becks? Not bad. Wish you’d stayed in town for the summer. I don’t know what to do with myself when you’re not around.”

The laughter on the other end brought a smile to Adam’s face. She said, “I know the feeling. I felt the same way. Then I ran into some of my old girlfriends. We’re going to go catch a movie this Friday night.”

“Sounds fun,” Adam said. He really did miss his girlfriend. Whenever Becky was around, the creeping feelings locked away were gone. No, not entirely gone, but certainly held at bay and under control. Now, a week and a half after starting this summer youth pastor gig, he felt shaky and afraid that everything he’d done to put his old self away was slowly unraveling. If Becky wasn’t half a continent away, he knew he could conquer these unbidden thoughts.

“When are you planning on coming back into town for the fall semester?”

More laughter, “Jeeze, Adam, the summer’s barely underway, and you’re already trying to get me back to out there. Probably won’t make it back until mid-August. You think you can manage without me until then?”

Adam put more cheer into his voice than he felt, “Of course, Becks. Did I mention I’m taking the kids up to Six Flags tomorrow?”

“Better you than me. I don’t like roller coasters.”

“Note to self, no dates that include roller coasters,” Adam said with a chuckle.

By the time Becky had to get off the phone, Adam felt better, back in control. He told himself there wasn’t really any reason for him to feel the way he had. None of the kids in the youth group looked at all like Clint, and he had nothing to worry about. But the less he thought about Jacob, the better.

***

“Mom, do I have to?” Isaiah said as his mom pulled into the church’s parking lot.

“Yes. You’ll have fun, I’m sure of it,” Amanda said as she parked the car.

Isaiah wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t like his mom was giving him any options. When he climbed out of the car, she handed him a couple of twenty-dollar bills. “For meals. Don’t spend it on the midway, until after you’ve eaten. Promise?”

“Yeah,” Isaiah said, although he wasn’t sure what a midway was or why it would cost money. Looking at the two bills in his hand, he added, “Didn’t you say that money’s tight. If I don’t go, you’d save forty bucks.”

Chuckling, his mom gave him a quick hug, “Think you’re getting sneaky. Go on, have fun.”

The older kids sat at the back of the fifteen-passenger van while the younger took the seats toward the front. That put Isaiah on the seat right behind the driver’s seat. Jason, the preacher’s kid, sat next to him. Beside him sat one of the girls from the eighth grade, whose name Isaiah couldn’t remember.

The drive on the interstate was uneventful. Their driver, Adam, stayed in the right lane almost the entire way. And Isaiah was miserable the whole time. He glanced at his seatmates from time to time. Jason was interesting. Even though he was only twelve, he looked more mature. He even had a bit of fine hair over his upper lip. And, he was even more attractive than Josh. And that left Isaiah with a painful lump in his throat. There wasn’t any reason to say anything. The girl on the other side of Jason occupied the other boy’s attention.

The ninety minutes it took them to arrive at Six Flags felt like the longest ninety minutes of his young life. The other kids were obviously friends with one another and were ready to go on the rides as soon as they could get their tickets and get inside the park.

When they assembled by the Econoline’s sliding door, Adam came around and gave everyone their tickets. “Hey, everyone. Your parents expect me to have you home by eleven. That means we’ve got to meet up in front of the carousel no later than eight-thirty. That still gives you upwards of ten hours.”

As Isaiah fingered the edge of his ticket, the youth pastor added, “Next up, nobody goes off by themselves. Buddy up into groups of 2 or more.”

The boy’s heart sank as the other kids grouped themselves together, leaving him standing next to Adam. He felt something burn at the back of his eyes when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. He glanced up into Adam’s face. The young man squeezed his shoulder, “How about the two of us buddy up, Isaiah?”

That kindness reached from his green eyes to his red lips, and Isaiah felt that constriction in his throat loosen. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Adam raised his voice, “Alright, before we all run off to ride the Titan, everyone gather round, let’s say a quick prayer first.”

The boy felt his heart thunder in his chest when Adam took his hand. It didn’t lessen the moment when everyone joined hands as Adam said, “Heavenly Father, thanks for letting us make it up here safely…”

While the young man prayed, Isaiah tried to listen to the words, but the fact was, he was thankful Adam had stepped in as his buddy for the day. Adam hadn’t said anything weird to him since his mom buttonholed him in the fellowship hall a week and a half before. Maybe his mom hadn’t said anything about how he’d fallen out with Josh.

No sooner were the words “amen,” out of Adam’s mouth, than the group broke up into their smaller groups as everyone made their way toward the park’s entrance.

Adam fell in beside him as they followed the other kids. They were halfway across the expansive parking lot when he spoke, “You have a favorite ride?”

Isaiah shook his head, “No. Mom’s never had the time or money to take me. What about you?”

“Yeah. It’s old school, but I like the Shockwave. It’s been here since my parents were kids. You okay with riding the roller coasters?”

The boy felt an icy grip on his heart. The only roller coasters he’d ever seen had been on YouTube videos and TV. And they looked scary. He shrugged, “Dunno. Are they safe?”

Adam chuckled, “Very. Unless you’re pregnant or have a bad heart. Either of those a problem for you?”

Isaiah laughed, “No. Don’t be silly. Um, I guess we can try one.”

It took almost as long to get into the park as it took them to cross the parking lot. Even though the pandemic was under control and a vaccine available, there were still people wearing face masks and observing the old social distancing rules. It was easy enough. The blue circle with feet were placed every six feet from the start of the concourse, all the way to the gatehouse where attendants still took people’s temperatures before allowing people through the turnstiles.

Once they were inside the park, Adam pointed toward the carousel, spinning around with little kids and their parents. “Is that one you had in mind?”

Isaiah could hear the mirth in the youth leader’s tone. The boy squinted up at the young man before shaking his head, “I don’t think so. You’re too short for that ride.”

Laughing, Adam placed a hand on his shoulder, “Fine, let’s go find the Shockwave and see if it’s still as fun as I remember it.”

The walk over to the Shockwave would have been worse if the park had been crowded. For a Thursday morning is was surprisingly empty, just a few thousand souls enjoying the park’s thrills and rides. Isaiah stopped in the middle of the concrete path leading to the Shockwave as he watched a train of cars zip along through the double loops for which the ride was famous.

Adam’s hand returned to his shoulder, “You okay with this? We can start with something easier if you want.”

Feeling better with his youth pastor’s hand on his shoulder, Isaiah swallowed hard, “Yeah. I think so. Will they let us sit together?”

Nodding, Adam led him toward the ride.

The line started a couple of hundred feet away from the turnstiles that accessed the platform where the cars were unloaded and loaded. Most people ignored the blue markers for social distancing, and only a few wore masks. Isaiah didn’t miss his. The speed with which riders were whisked through the ride meant he and Adam soon were waiting their turn to load onto the next set of cars to cycle through.

As the roller coaster’s steel frame shook as the train of cars zoomed by overhead, Isaiah’s anxiety grew until, without realizing it, his hand gripped Adam’s.

“If you don’t want to ride this, we don’t have to,” the young man said, bending down close to his ear.

The thing was, Isaiah felt like he had to. Not just for himself, but to show Adam that he wasn’t a little baby. “I want to,” the boy growled as the gates separating the queue from the cars swung open.

Once they were seated and the mask-wearing attendant lowered the bar that secured the two of them in place, Adam must have felt him shaking with nerves. He reached out and put his larger hand over Isaiah’s smaller, “You’ll be fine. You’ll see.”

Then the cars shook as they rolled forward. Isaiah felt the car jolt as a long metal chain pulled the cars up a steep incline. He felt the rattling of the chain all the way into his teeth, as foot by foot, they pulled the train of cars upwards. Ten seconds, twenty seconds, thirty seconds, they continued to climb. Then, when it seemed as though the whole world was on display below, they reached the top. The cars, propelled by nothing but gravity, went around a hundred-eighty-degree arc. No sooner had they turned a sharp corner then the floor fell out from under Isaiah. At least that was the sensation when the tracks fell down a steep drop. Isaiah’s hands gripped the bar resting against his lap even as Adam’s shout sounded joyous as he raised his hands in the air.

And then it was on them. The first loop came up faster than the boy could prepare for it, and as his head was forced against his chest, adrenaline shot through his still-eleven-year-old body. By the time the car took the second loop, Isaiah added his voice to Adam’s as he screamed, just for the heck of it. This wasn’t as bad as he feared.

With so much force propelling the cars forward, the boy was surprised when more controlling chains gripped the cars, throwing him and Adam against their harnesses and slowing the cars down, before letting them continue onward, around another sharp bend. With a few more twists and turns as well as a couple of more sharp drop-offs, the train of cars looped back around to the starting point.

Once they were out, Isaiah, still on his adrenaline high, yelped, “That was freaking awesome! Can we ride it again?”

***

The change in the boy’s demeanor brought a wide grin to Adam’s face as they queued up for the Shockwave again. The line was even shorter their second time around. Now, as the car lurched forward and started up the long climb to the top of the ride, he glanced at the boy sitting beside him. Gone was the fearful expression. In its place was an intense look of expectation. The only thing remaining the same the second time up the steep climb was Isaiah’s hand clenched to his.

After the cars careened around the U-turn, they plunged a hundred feet toward the ground before heading into the first loop. Taking Isaiah’s hand in his, Adam raised it into the air as his voice was ripped out of his lungs on the plunge down the roller coaster’s steel-shod tracks. Around and around the two loops they flew. The five Gs of gravity forced his head against his chest until they shot out of the second loop. The boy’s giddy laughter was music in Adam’s ears. He had come close to making one of the other groups of kids take Isaiah with them, but as they were shaken around the track, instinctively, Adam knew he’d made the right choice.

The rest of the morning flew by as they rode Mr. Freeze and the Tower of Power rides. As they came off the Tower of Power for the second time, Isaiah seemed to wilt a bit under the hot north Texan sun. It was, if Adam was honest with himself, time to hydrate and eat.

Resting his hand on the boy’s shoulder, he said, “How about we get a drink and food? There are lots of places around here to eat.”

“Yeah. I could eat. But I’m pretty thirsty.”

“Sit down or grab-and-go?”

The boy’s expression grew thoughtful, “Can we rest for a bit?”

Adam nodded as he guided his charge through the thin crowd. He took the boy over to Johnny Rockets, one of the park’s larger sit-down restaurants, where they ordered hamburgers.

After finishing his burger, Adam found his eyes taking in the boy’s every detail. His dark brown hair was a darker shade than the milk-chocolate of his eyes. At a shade under four and a half feet, Isaiah was the shortest kid in the youth group, although sitting down at the moment, it wouldn’t have been noticed. His cheeks were tanned, although, at times when embarrassed, crimson would flush away the light brown of the boy’s tan. The boy, Adam’s subconscious mind decided, had perfect skin, unblemished by puberty’s cruelty.

Without realizing his mind going there, it wasn’t Clint to whom Adam compared the boy, but to Jacob. When he realized what he was doing, Adam tried to shut the thoughts down. Although all Isaiah shared with Jacob was his age, that was all. With a slight shake of his head, Adam amended the thought. There was nothing to compare. Not at all.

Still, his mind wouldn’t entirely let go of that unhealthy thread. In the deep recesses of Adam’s subconscious, his brain worked over the connection. Then, as the boy finished his meal, the youth pastor saw, not Clint, not even Jacob, but himself in the features of the not-quite-twelve-year-old. As they left the restaurant, despite the near one-hundred degree heat, an iciness gripped Adam’s insides as his mind worked over the implications. Was he Isaiah’s Clint?

Oh, God, no! Adam quietly prayed even as his young charge was entirely oblivious to his newly awakened fear. Isaiah said, “Isn’t there a train that goes around the park?”

There was. Pretty much the only ride to survive the parks’ more than fifty years of operation was the railroad. Fortunately, the walk toward the nearest depot was only a few minutes. And their timing couldn’t have been better. A few other people waited as the train pulled into the station. It was an old-style steam engine pulling three passenger carriages. A few people got off the train before the depot attendant opened the gate and let the handful of people, including Adam and Isaiah, find their seats in the open-air carriages.

Isaiah ran on ahead, climbing aboard the middle carriage. When Adam joined him, the boy leaned against his arm as they waited for the train to depart the depot. After a bit, the carriage jolted and rolled forward. Isaiah murmured, “I was worried I wouldn’t have a good time. But this has been so much fun. Thanks.”

Adam had walled away his fears. He knew he didn’t have anything to worry about. The boy was as safe with him as he’d be with his own mom. “Me, too. Now that you’re no longer afraid of roller coasters, which one do you want to do next?”

“Can we try the Giant? It looks huge.”

“Yeah. You bet.” He enjoyed the feel of the youngster leaning against his side. Despite errant mental wanderings related to Clint and Jacob, the balance of Adam’s mind wondered if he could be a positive role-model for Isaiah. The way the boy clung to his side left him convinced he needed a positive role model.

The wait for the Texas Giant was the longest so far, but it was still only fifteen minutes. They rode it twice before they headed over to the Titan. By the time evening rolled around, Adam and Isaiah rode the train around the park a couple of more times, although the boy’s head rested against Adam’s chest the last go-around as he slept.

Adam wasn’t surprised that a couple of the groups of kids didn’t show up until almost nine. Knowing how he was at that age, he’d budgeted more time to collect everyone.

The drive back to their hometown was a lot quieter than the drive up. Most of the kids were asleep before they left the metroplex. He could see Isaiah in the rearview mirror, with his head lolled back on the seatback. He could also see Jason and Meredith, also on the front row. The tall seventh grader’s head rested against the girl’s bushy red curls. Both were passed out. As ninety-minute drives went, it was peaceful, with only the occasional murmured voice breaking the silence.

The church parking lot was half-full of cars when he pulled into the van’s normal space. Parents leaned against the sides of vehicles, quietly talking among themselves, patiently waiting for their kids to spill out of the van, in their zombie-like trances.

One by one, cars pulled away, taking their tired charges home until Adam found himself alone. Or nearly so. As he opened the van’s sliding door, Isaiah slept, his head tilted back. The youth leader spun around, scanning the parking lot and surrounding streets. They were empty.

What the hell? he thought. All the parents knew they were supposed to pick their kids up no later than eleven. Another glance at his watch showed it was already ten minutes after.

Adam opened the passenger’s side door and grabbed a notebook full of permission slips. When he found the one signed by the boy’s mom, he put the number she had left into the phone. But before he could press the dial button, an older model Chevy pulled into the parking lot. Amanda Clayton climbed out of the car, her hair a disheveled mess.

When she came over to Adam, her cheeks were aflame with embarrassment, “I’m so sorry, Adam. I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up, it was already eleven.”

Her eyes roamed about, “Where’s Isaiah?”

His lips turned upwards at the woman’s distress, Adam opened the sliding door, revealing her sleeping son. “All safe and sound.”

Relief washed over the woman’s face, “Oh, thank God. Had me worried for a moment. How’d he do? He wasn’t too much trouble, I hope.”

Adam shook his head, “Not at all. He was a delight.”

A note of relief in her voice, Amanda said, “That’s good to know. He doesn’t make friends very easily. I was a bit worried the other kids wouldn’t take to him.”

Uncertain how to respond, Adam pressed his lips together before finally admitting the truth, “Well, he didn’t really bond with the other kids, Amanda. When they broke into groups, he ended up with me. I hope that’s okay.”

Staring at her son, still asleep in the seat, Amanda’s brows knit in worry. “I guess. After he lost his friend, Josh, I kinda hoped he’d make more friends in the youth group.”

Adam didn’t want to pry, but the boy’s mother had strongly hinted whatever had happened between Isaiah and his friend still troubled her. “Give it more time. He’s a really sweet kid. He’ll make more friends.”

Amanda smiled and rested a hand briefly on Adam’s arm, “Thanks for looking out for him, Adam. I’m grateful you see how special he is. I know you’re only here at Wakefield through the end of the summer, but I’ll be forever grateful for any mentoring you do.”

Seeing the sleeping boy, Adam felt a desire to protect the boy from the harshness of the world. For now, there wasn’t any thought about his own troubled past or how similar Isaiah was to himself at that age. He simply wanted to be there for the boy.

Adam said, “My pleasure, Amanda. How about we get him awake so you guys can get home.

Copyright 2019 – Caliboy1991
All rights reserved

Forbidden Fruit – Chapter 1

Forbidden Fruit – Chapter 1
By
Caliboy1991

Noise filtered into the large classroom next to the fellowship hall. As the small, black hand on the wall-clock edged toward the ten, the room filled up with junior and senior high students. Standing near the metal podium at the front of the room, Adam’s heart raced. Aside from a public speaking class the previous semester, he had never spoken in front of a group before, even teenagers, arguably the most challenging group to talk to.

As the students eyed his unfamiliar face, Adam second-guessed his decision to be the youth pastor intern at Wakefield Community Church for the summer. What had he been thinking? Sure, he wanted to go into the ministry, and what better way to dip his toe in the water than to be the Youth Intern for the small church’s youth group?

As the clock struck ten, he remembered Pastor Rich’s words during his interview a couple of weeks before, “Wakefield can’t afford a full-time youth pastor, Adam. We rely on college students, like yourself, to fill in during the summer. Organize our summer programs, which includes a few trips to Six Flags and the like, and to organize the kids to help out with Vacation Bible School in July. What with the pandemic, summer camp’s been canceled this year, that’s pretty much it, except leading the youth group’s Sunday school lesson.”

About two dozen kids stared back at him. They knew he was just there for the summer.

Adam cleared his throat, glanced down at his notes, and said, “Let’s see a show of hands, everyone who’s glad school is out, raise them high.”

The older kids shared glances as they tentatively raised their hands into the air. Raising hands wasn’t cool. The younger students were louder in their appreciation.

Adam shifted gears, “We’ve got some great plans this summer. Despite the last year and a half of this pandemic, we’re going to have an awesome time. As you can tell, some things are a bit different today. Jason, your spring Youth Intern, graduated, and now y’all get me. I’m Adam Weston, and I’m not the only person new today. This week, all the kids who just graduated from the sixth grade are now in the youth group. So, let’s welcome our new seventh graders and get them to stand up, please.”

A halfhearted smattering of applause welcomed the four kids who rose from their seats. Adam nodded toward a willowy girl sitting on the second row, “Ladies first. Please tell everyone your name and something unusual about yourself.”

The girl flushed with two dozen sets of eyes on her, “Um, I’m Tiffany Echols. Something unusual? I was born in Canada.”

Adam pointed to another girl. She was heavyset with frizzy red hair, “Hi…I’m Laura Manningham. I, uh, made the honor roll all last year.”

The third student was a boy. For a twelve-year-old, he was tall. Almost five and a half feet and platinum blond. He grinned sheepishly as several of the other kids waved and smiled at him. “I’m Jason Madsen. I guess it would be cheating to say that my dad’s the pastor here. Something folks might not know is that I’m adopted.”

The final student standing was in the last row of chairs. Physically, he was the opposite of the other boy. He was fully a foot shorter than Jason, with dark brown hair that hadn’t seen a comb in several days. “Um, I’m Isaiah. Something unique? I dunno… I’ll be the youngest seventh-grader in school. My birthday was the week before the cut-off.”

Unlike Jason’s treble adolescent voice, Isaiah’s voice was clear and unbroken. Unlike the other newly minted seventh graders, Adam worried the last boy, because of his clearly pre-adolescent look, wouldn’t fit in as well as the three other seventh graders. For reasons he wouldn’t dwell on, Adam decided he would do what he could to help the youngster acclimate to the youth group.

Then, Adam went around to the other twenty kids and had everyone else introduce themselves. There was no way he’d remember everyone’s names, but it was a good start.

Leaning against the podium, Adam felt a bit more acclimated. After leading the group in a short prayer, he opened his Bible, “Anyone familiar with the story of Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego?”

Hands flew up around the room, just as he’d anticipated. He smiled, “I’ll admit, those guys were pretty tight. They had it all. Good standing, prestige, and all that. It turned out pretty good for them. And they’re heroes in the Old Testament. But I want to talk about someone else. Who can tell me who was Ruth, and what was she known for?”

Jason, one of the new seventh graders, raised his hand. Adam bit back a smirk. Count on the preacher’s kid to know the answer. He pointed to the youngster, “It’s probably cheating to call on the pastor’s son, but go on.”

With a touch of crimson in his cheeks, the boy said, “She was a foreigner in Israel. And she was an ancestor of King David.”

With nerves slowly calming from the newness of standing in front of the group, Adam stepped to the side of the podium, “Right. But why include her story in the Bible?”

He called on one of the girls on the front row, and the remainder of the time passed by, as Adam discussed Ruth’s loyalty for her mother-in-law and how she was a conduit of change. As the class broke up, he said, “There are permission slips on the table next to the donuts. If you’re going to Six Flags, pick one up before you leave. Try to have them back by next week with your money.”

Adam straightened the chairs and threw away the empty donut box before turning the light off. He hadn’t gone more than a few steps into the fellowship hall when a young woman came over to him. Right behind her was the other seventh-grade boy. She wore her brown hair in a simple ponytail and wore only a touch of makeup. There was no way she was a day over thirty. “Mr. Weston –“

Stopping, Adam offered his hand, “Please, just Adam. Mrs…”

The woman’s shake was delicate, “Miss Clayton. But, please just Amanda. I’m Isaiah’s mom.”

She turned, “Isaiah, honey, why don’t you go on upstairs and grab a pew. I’ll be along directly.”

The boy looked disappointed at being dismissed, but he gave a tiny wave at Adam and left. He was halfway across the fellowship hall when his mom said, “We’ve only been coming to Wakefield since we moved to town at the beginning of the year. We’re still feeling our way around.”

Adam knew the feeling well. He put on his best pastoral smile, “Me, too. This is actually my first week as the youth group intern. How can I help you?”

“It’s about Isaiah. Since moving here, he hasn’t made hardly any friends.”

Adam could relate. He’d been in a similar-sized youth group when he’d started junior high. Just like Isaiah, he had been new to town. Moving back to his mom’s hometown, following his parents’ divorce had been hard on his twelve-year-old self. It would have been worse if not for Clint, one of the older kids in the youth group who had taken him under his wing.

“If he’s going on any of our outings, Isaiah will get to know some of the other kids, and I’m sure he’ll make some friends.”

Amanda smiled wanly, “I hope so. The one friend he’s managed to make since we moved here, he just had a falling out with. I worry he’s afraid of getting hurt again.”

Adam gazed at the young mother. He sensed she was getting to the reason she’d stopped him.

She continued, “I know you’ll be here for all the kids while you’re their youth pastor this summer, but if you can find the time, can you mentor Isaiah? He’s feeling lost right now, and junior high can be brutal on sensitive kids, like my son.”

Things started to click in Adam’s mind now. Single mom, young son. No father-figure. The kid had no male role model. Without realizing it, his head was nodding as Amanda finished. “I’ll do my best. But please remember, I’m only at Wakefield through the end of the summer.”

A warm smile spread across Amanda’s face, “I know. And I wouldn’t ask, except I’m worried about my son, and I just felt like God was prompting me to talk to you.”

With that, she turned and hurried up the stairs leading from the fellowship hall to the foyer of the church, leaving Adam alone with his thoughts. Short, brown-headed Isaiah reminded him of himself at that age. That realization triggered a memory, and Adam couldn’t help but wonder what had he just agreed to?

As he headed up the stairs, other memories he had locked away flooded back into his mind. He was the scrawny seventh-grader, new to junior high. His youth pastor at the time had put together a mentoring program, partnering older students with younger, as a way of fusing the youth group together. Clint had been his mentor. Sixteen years old and popular with the other kids in the youth group. Several months passed as Adam and Clint got to know each other.

Clint was everything he wanted to be. Tall, handsome, and popular. Adam had adored the older boy. When his mom had to travel out of town on business, she mentioned it to Clint, who volunteered to watch Adam. The two of them had been watching one of the Avenger movies, Adam leaning against the older boy’s arm, when Clint shifted and draped his arm around his shoulder. Twelve-year-old Adam felt a thrill run throughout his body as he lay his head on Clint’s chest.

When the movie had ended, he looked up into his sixteen-year-old hero’s eyes and felt something between him and the older boy. When Clint leaned down and kissed him, the part of him that should have been repelled remained silent as he returned the kiss.

Later that same evening, as they were getting ready for bed, Clint asked Adam if he wanted to join him in the shower. Before he could find the words to say yes, his penis strained at his pants. Sure, he’d seen other boys naked in the showers in gym class, but standing right next to Clint was an entirely different experience. The older boy was huge, at least to Adam’s eyes. He had to have been almost six inches. Contrasted to his own meager four inches, it was big.

That had been the first time anyone else had ever touched Adam down there. Clint’s fingers had been gentle yet eager as the older teen stroked him to the first orgasm he’d ever experienced. Adam still remembered the shocked look on his own face when a thin stream of clear liquid shot out onto Clint’s fingers.

Adam stopped on the stairs. The guilt he felt as a boy seemed as real at twenty as it had been at twelve. No doubt, if that had been the only time between him and Clint, he would have simply chalked it up as experimentation he later came to realize was a hallmark of male adolescence. But the next time Clint saw him, the older boy confessed that even though he knew it was wrong for them to do things together, he didn’t care. He really liked Adam, and doing stuff with the boy made him feel better, even if it was wrong. Adam had felt the same thing. He didn’t know how to stop himself from feeling the way he felt when Clint was around.

Their relationship lasted until Clint graduated from high school a few weeks after Adam turned fourteen. After that, he never saw the older teen again. Clint had been his anchor, the one who explained why their relationship was right when the world around them told them it wasn’t. And with the older boy gone, even though the attractions to other boys, either at school or at church, continued, Adam knew he had to ignore it. After all, it was a sin.

And for a few years, he had. Despite the typical travails of adolescence, Adam had slid into the youth group clique Clint had left behind, and things went well enough. Then, his senior year, his youth pastor asked him to mentor one of the new seventh graders. Jacob Easterbrook had been his polar opposite when it came to appearances. He had the blondest shock of hair Adam had ever seen as well as the bluest eyes.

And within a couple of months, Adam realized what he had shut away after Clint left was still there, just below the surface. He was sexually drawn to young Jacob, even more so than he’d been to Clint. Adam spent most of his senior year fighting the urge to make a move on the boy. And he nearly succeeded. The youth group had taken a mission trip at spring break down to the Rio Grande Valley to help build a church and conduct vacation Bible school in the impoverished Colonias along the north side of the Mexican border. On their final night, Adam and Jacob were walking around the hotel where they stayed for the week. They stopped between two church vans, and as they shared a Mountain Dew, Adam, in a moment of weakness, leaned over and kissed Jacob.

Maybe things would have been different if the boy had pulled back or gone and told on him. Instead, Jacob leaned into the kiss, his lips eager for Adam’s. The remaining couple of months of school, Adam was reckless and foolish, getting the younger boy alone whenever they could. Which wasn’t very often or for very much time. It never progressed past mutual masturbation, save for one time when Adam gave Jacob a blowjob a couple of weeks before heading off to college.

Adam had spent the past two years desperately trying to forget about Jacob. It wasn’t who he wanted to be, of that, he was sure. As best as he was able, he put all that behind him and even found a nice girlfriend at the start of his sophomore year. In fact, he would call Becky and talk to her. If he could hear her voice, maybe he could forget all about the feelings unlocked inside him.

***

The room wasn’t hot and stuffy. Isaiah knew that. But it didn’t change how it felt. All the other kids were talking and laughing as the youth group meeting broke up. And he felt more alone in that room than he was anywhere else. The other kids were total strangers. The few times they said something to him, Isaiah hadn’t known how to respond, and monosyllabic words weren’t useful for continuing the conversation.

His mom had told him to get one of the permission slips, so he grabbed one on his way out the door. He stopped, his hand resting on the doorframe, and looked back. The new youth pastor was collecting his things. He looked how Isaiah imagined a youth pastor was supposed to look. His light brown hair was neatly parted down one side and the tie around his neck was loose, not really hiding the unbuttoned top button on his yellow dress shirt. Even his pressed blue jeans looked right. It completed the image in Isaiah’s mind of I may be an adult, but I’m still approachable.

More than that, Adam had a friendly smile. Even when he’d put the boy on the spot at the beginning of the meeting, his smile made Isaiah feel good about introducing himself, despite how lonely he felt.

“Hey munchkin, how was your first day in the youth group?”

He turned. His mom smiled at him as she tousled his unkempt hair. “Okay, I guess. Here’s the permission slip you wanted. Do I really have to go?”

His mom looked at him like he had three eyes, “What? Who are you, and what have you done to my son? No child of mine could possibly refuse a trip to Six Flags.”

Isaiah smirked at his mom’s exaggerated manner, “None of the other kids like me.”

His mom’s face grew serious, “I don’t think that’s true. You just need to give them time to get to know you.”

Isaiah’s mouth twisted into a frown, “Like Josh?

He blinked his eyes rapidly as he felt pressure behind them. Thinking about the one person he’d befriended since moving to this crappy city made his heart ache. Especially when he recalled that moment a few weeks earlier when Josh had told him he didn’t want to be Isaiah’s friend anymore.

His mom frowned at the name, “He doesn’t know what a good friend you’d have been to him. That’s his loss.”

His mom’s eyes cut away as the youth pastor came out of the classroom, “Things will be better here. I promise. Let me talk with your youth pastor.”

Isaiah followed his mom across the cracked linoleum flooring. Not for the first time, he thought Adam had kind eyes. In hindsight, he wished Josh would have had eyes like that. Maybe then, he wouldn’t have pushed him away when he tried to get close to the other boy.

His mom said, “Mr. Weston –“

It wasn’t just Adam’s eyes, Isaiah realized. His smile radiated warmth, too. “Please, just call me Adam. Mrs. –“

“Miss Clayton. Please, just call me Amanda. I’m Isaiah’s mom.”

Even the way the young man spoke set the boy’s mind at ease. If he had to go to Six Flags with the other kids in the youth group, maybe Adam would make some of the other kids be nice to him and let him hang out with them.

His mom turned, “Isaiah, honey, why don’t you go on upstairs and grab us a seat. I’ll be along directly.”

He wanted to hear what his mom had to say to the youth pastor. But the look she gave him brooked no argument. Still, it felt right to wave and smile at Adam as he headed up to the sanctuary.

The sanctuary was larger than the congregation’s needs. There were long, wooden pews for at least three hundred people. But it was maybe half-full. Isaiah had no problem finding a place toward the back where his mom could easily see him.

The stain-glass windows defused the natural sunlight pouring in. There were at least a dozen scenes from the Bible composed of cut, colored glass. One that Isiah found himself studying was that of a young teenager. In one hand, he held a stone, in the other a sling. The youth made of cut-glass stared off to the side. Isaiah imagined the boy eying Goliath as he weighed the stone in his hand. Seeing the resolute youth, Isaiah thought David never had to deal with rejection from his best friend.

Still, Isaiah knew it was his own fault. Had he not tried kissing Josh, then the boy would still be his friend. Josh had been the only kid in school to befriend him. And they really had hit it off. They’d had a sleepover at Josh’s and then a couple of more at Isaiah’s. And over that time, Isaiah realized he really liked Josh, maybe more than just as a friend.

Isaiah knew it was wrong to feel such a strong attraction to Josh, but it wasn’t something he could ignore or turn off. And even though he’d tried a half-dozen different ways to let the other boy know how he felt, nothing Isaiah did or said managed to get through to Josh. Until that fateful kiss a few weeks before.

The look of horror in Josh’s eyes when Isaiah ended the kiss would be with him forever. The angry tone of Josh’s voice still rattled him, even now. “Y-you k-kissed me! What the hell, Isaiah?”

Isaiah was shocked at the other boy’s reaction, “I t-thought you liked me, too. I, I…”

Josh glared at him, “Not like that. I thought you wanted to be my friend, not to do gay stuff. That stuff is wrong, and you know it.”

Tears had spilled down Isaiah’s cheeks as the other boy climbed into the top bunk. “I’m sorry, Josh. I really do like you and thought…”

Isaiah didn’t know what to say. Josh turned away from him, facing the wall, “That’s gross, man. I’m not gay. I thought you knew that about me.”

Neither boy got much sleep that night, and the next morning, Josh had told Isaiah’s mom he wanted to go home. As the other boy climbed out of the car at his house, Isaiah cried out, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Josh, eyes blinking back tears, shot back, “But you freaking kissed me! You shouldn’t have done that.”

Isaiah’s eyes moved on from the glass image of David. He turned his attention to the organist. She was a blue-haired lady. The boy wasn’t particularly good at guessing old people’s ages, but if he had to guess, she looked as old as dirt. He didn’t recognize the hymn either.

Tuning out the organ, Isaiah remembered the shocked look on his mom’s face as Josh walked away. They stayed parked in front of the other boy’s house until he disappeared inside. Then, as she pulled away, his mom said, “What just happened, Isaiah?”

He had muttered, “Nothing.”

“What just happened wasn’t nothing. Try again.”

The tears running down his cheeks were hot, nearly scalding on his delicate skin. “I thought Josh really liked me back.”

“So, you tried to kiss him.” It was more a statement of fact than a question.

Isaiah nodded.

The drive home was painful in its silence. When his mom pulled the car under the carport, she turned it off. Instead of getting out of the car, she said, “How long have you felt this way?”

“About Josh?”

“Well, about another boy,” she clarified.

“Josh was the first boy I ever tried to kiss. First anything,” Isaiah said, looking at his mom out of the corner of his eye. “Do you think I’m gay?”

His mom drew in a sharp breath and blew it noisily out her mouth, “I can’t answer that. I’m not you. Why? Do you?”

Isaiah shrugged. Some of the kids in the sixth grade has started dating each other. The idea of kissing a girl just didn’t sound much fun. Not like he’d felt when he thought about kissing Josh. He had convinced himself his best, but only friend had wanted the kiss just as much. Boy, had he been wrong. “I don’t know. Maybe. I had wanted Josh to be my first kiss.”

His mom slid the keys into her purse and opened the door, “Maybe even a boyfriend?”

Feeling shame, Isaiah nodded as fresh tears slid down his face. His mom got out of the car and came around to his side, and opened the door. When he climbed out, his mom wrapped her arms around him, “I love you, kiddo.”

“Y-you’re not mad, are you?”

Another long sigh, “Not at you, Isaiah. It’s my fault. I thought I could be your mom and dad. But I was wrong. You’ve needed a good father figure, and I messed that up.”

Isiah shook away the memory as the preacher came to the pulpit and prayed. Isaiah looked down at his shoes, wondering what his mom was talking about with Adam. He really hoped she wasn’t telling him about him and Josh. He couldn’t live with the idea that the youth pastor would know about his dirty secret.

As the preacher’s voice echoed across the half-full sanctuary, Isaiah lowered his head, praying the feelings he’d felt with Josh would go away. When he finished, he felt a hand on his back. When he opened his eyes, his mom smiled at him.

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